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26 May 2010 @ 04:59 am
Could really use your input!  
Ok, so normally I don't vent here about my personal life, but I could really use an objective opinion from you guys. Here's the situation:

My brother lives a LONG day's drive away from me and my parents. He rarely comes to visit except for Xmas and Thanksgiving and even then he doesn't spend his whole school break with us, just a couple days. He visits occasionally on a long weekend, but he always brings his girlfriend with him. We try to go down and visit him as much as possible, but with busy schedules the result is that we see each other maybe every 3-5 months. When we go visit him, he brings his girlfriend along with him everywhere we go. She spends the entire weekend, meals and all, glued to his side. We never get any alone, 1-on-1 time with him. They've been dating for almost 2 years. We're visiting him for my mom's bday soon and he (of course) already invited his girlfriend along to the bday dinner. I mean, is nothing sacred!?! At least ask first!

So, my question is: is it logical for me to be upset over not getting to spend time with my brother without his girlfriend? Especially when it is a family occasion/celebration?
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
 
 
 
Mizramizra on May 26th, 2010 02:30 pm (UTC)
Um, sounds like a good heart-to-heart is needed. Like "dude, I respect your need for this woman attached to your hip, but can we have some sis/bro time? without your significant other?"

I've been through something like this during other family events. With that particular family, a convo doesn't go well, but if your family is at least logical and thinking properly, you should be fine. ;)
e_transitionse_transitions on May 26th, 2010 10:16 pm (UTC)
thanks - I think that might be part of the problem: that he isn't in a logical state of mind. I think he's had problems with his friends complaining of the same thing, so he's automatically on the defensive.

But you're right, I definitely need to at least sit down and TRY to talk it out instead of just fuming internally and being snippy the whole night ^_^ Thanks for the advice!
kyliemoukyliemou on May 26th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
I think it's okay for you to be upset. I mean, he's with his girlfriend all the other times and considering how little you see him, why should she join in on that moment as well? You need to tell him. :(
e_transitionse_transitions on May 26th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks - my point exactly! You're right, we need to have a little heart to heart. I guess I'm just worried that he's going to be so defensive that it'll be pointless. Wish I knew the best way to communicate with him - knew I shouldn't have dropped that psych class. ^_^ I guess just a lot of "when you do A, it makes me feel like B"?
kyliemoukyliemou on May 26th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC)
Exactly. He probably will, but it's unfair to you. You're his family. She's not, not officially anyway. Sure, she's a part of him, but there was once a time when she wasn't in his life. There was just him. Just bring it up lightly, like "Do you ever go anywhere without your girlfriend? I miss you. You're my brother and I would like to spend some time with you. Just you and me."
e_transitionse_transitions on May 27th, 2010 11:17 am (UTC)
Thanks so much - I like they way you stated it! I'm going to have to memorize that for when I see him this weekend ^_^
kyliemoukyliemou on May 27th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
Just be careful okay? Sometimes the other person (ie, your brother) could take offense and so could the girlfriend. Just state in a nice calm way, like you actually mean that you just want to do something with you and your brother only. Don't phrase like "can you ditch your girl, pleaseeeeeeeeee?" XD
e_transitionse_transitions on May 27th, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)
haha yeah, good point. Thx :D